Daughterdiary's Blog

Goodbye Daughter Diarist

Agingadventurer — Thu, 28 Oct 2010 13:22:58 +0000

As I have lost more than a few readers by addressing the more serious side of caretaking, I’ve decided that this blog which is now a year old with over 200 posts has lost its sparkle. Thank you for taking the time to read it and for allowing me to pass on a bit of history and love to my children in this heartfelt diary. I’m moving on to one of my other loves: travel. When it is up and running I hope you will give that a chance as well.

Hello Mother

Agingadventurer — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 12:47:02 +0000

Hearing Mom telling the tales of her past was always amusing even if she was a revisionist. Slowly the stories have ceased or are simply repeated again and again. It’s difficult to cull for new anecdotes. Her wisdom and her traditions have filled the souls and minds of us all and new tidbits will be sorely missed. Having known her as witty, funny, loving and caring, it can be distressing to see her digress. However, she is still loved and admired and taking care of her is a joy and privilege even if it is trying at times.

I Can Do Anything Better Than You

Agingadventurer — Tue, 26 Oct 2010 13:01:42 +0000

It is not unusual for adult children to disagree about their mother’s care. When you have thirteen children in a family chances are good that someone is teary eyed or upset on a weekly basis. The experts think that sibling rivalries or unresolved troubles from the past interfere with helping the elder parent in many ways. Competition for attention and need for approval was a constant in our childhood years ago and occasionally rears its head today. When Mother credits one child for the good deeds of another one or when she constantly sings the praises of a child who lives far away and can’t help with the daily chores, the ones at hand are left to remember that we all share a singular goal of helping Mom to the best of each of our capabilities. Criticism can’t even be thought let alone spoken.

Mother Knows Best?

Agingadventurer — Mon, 25 Oct 2010 13:21:49 +0000

Last week, I offended some of my siblings unintentionally. As I have been conflicted personally about Mother’s care, I shared my concerns regarding the best treatment. Is she suffering from Alzheimer’s, are her symptoms age-related forgetfulness or is she just not interested in the mundane? I suggested that some siblings wanted to treat her with drugs to make her better. I should have kept them out of it and said, “I don’t know if drug treatment makes the most sense.” I do know that both diet and exercise are important treatments but I’ve not had much luck convincing Mom to try these. I also know that providing interesting alternatives to TV watching is helpful. If it were up to Mom however, time in bed is something she actually enjoys.

Crossing the “Pond”

Agingadventurer — Fri, 15 Oct 2010 14:39:14 +0000

I’m off to my “real life” for the next 10 days, this time touring the South and West coasts of Ireland. Armed with very few facts and names, I hope to walk some of the same streets, cliffs and bogs of my ancestors. The only information my Mother gave me regarded the family of a woman who married my mother’s second cousin and only a first name at that! Look for the latest blog in about 10 days time.

Snooze

Agingadventurer — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 14:10:31 +0000

We all worry when Mom wants to spend the day in bed. As it is a sign of depression we quickly look for a solution. Some of us look toward medication, some come up with a plan to do something “exciting”, and some of us just shrug knowing that she’s always had a preference for “hiding out in bed”. Maybe at 90 she’s tired. Exercise has never been a priority and watching TV can be done easily now that she has a bed that both vibrates and inclines. I think if I had such a nice bed I’d be tempted too.

A Moment In Time

Agingadventurer — Wed, 13 Oct 2010 13:19:44 +0000

Although the bar has been lowered for independence, Mother is still very gracious, accommodating and capable of completing most tasks if we would simply let her take a few extra moments. We’re the ones in a rush; Mom has learned that time is both your friend and your enemy. She is willing to adapt and move on because she is a survivor. Mother may very well be tired of living life according to our schedules and would welcome a little R&R from all of her well-intentioned offspring. She worries about being a burden and yet her helplessness has been abetted by us.

Fix Her Already

Agingadventurer — Tue, 12 Oct 2010 14:09:36 +0000

Thoughts about Mom and Alzheimer’s are never far from most of our minds. Is her depression a symptom? Is her dependence on others another one? Would she benefit from more medication? I have mixed thoughts on all of these inquiries. Her children have made her more reliant by trying to anticipate her every need and taking care of it for her. We cook her meals, administer her medicine, drive her to appointments, accompany her on her travels and can’t really remember the last time she has attended to her own upkeep. It’s hardly fair to measure Mother on the standards we removed.

Are We There Yet?

Agingadventurer — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 16:17:50 +0000

Yesterday Mother went on a road trip to Phoenix with her youngest son. He has work in the area and thought Mom would enjoy a change of scenery. One of her daughters went along to keep Mother from spending the entire day in the hotel’s luxury bedding. The 6 hour drive was made more palatable by playing family history games. Unfortunately the three in the car couldn’t come up with answers to their own quiz so it involved numerous phone calls to other family members. A good time was had by all?

Oh, The Aches and Pains

Agingadventurer — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 13:21:52 +0000

Since I was clearly eavesdropping I have not questioned Mother on her motives for telling fibs to old friends that she rarely sees anymore. When questioned about her health she usually admits to them of not feeling so well and then proceeds to explain her ailments, sometimes mentioning an extra surgery or two. At first, I thought perhaps this was a way to commiserate with them. But on reflection I imagine she does not feel as hale and hearty as she would like and is simply tired of the old response of “fine”. By listing her maladies she is in the conversation!